Many parents are either over protective or over controlling and this can cause problems especially as children get older. Authoritative parenting style is the parenting style that works best and it is where parenting is more Positive. It is about enjoying a relationship that is warm and where there is good communication. Instead of demanding respect, it is more about demonstrating respect. When we treat our children with respect, and listen to their point of view it gives them a sense of being understood. It is about noticing what they have done (rather than what they have not done) and remembering to tell them.
What is your parenting style?
Are you an overprotective parent? (Living the child’s life for them and not giving enough opportunities can over time render them helpless)
Is your parenting style more Dominant/ Controlling. A parent who wants the child/teen to live the parents’ life? Do you call all the shots/make all the decisions? Do you have a Demand/Command style of parenting? Do you parent with many with laws and are you rigid and inflexible?
If what you are doing is not working, you may as well try something different
If you want change: Change how you interact with your child!
Are you over tired and feeling overloaded from parenting?
- Do you need to learn to say No sometimes, so you don’t end up losing it from doing too much and ending up stressed?
- Do you need to learn to ask for help ‘I’m tired and I need some help’
Do you Punish?
Children learn nothing from Punishment, it only teaches you that if you do bad things, bad things happen. Children are not bold, behaviours are bold.
Children need to make mistakes and learn from them
Each parent made mistakes as a child; and that was how they learnt, are you over involved with your children; and deny them opportunities? Our job is to instill values and empower our child through giving them opportunities and not doing for children what they can do or learn to do for themselves. A child needs a Parent who trusts & who believes in them
Correct behaviour, but always love the child
School: If your child is not nice to another child, deal with it when they are calm and use the sandwich technique which is to say something nice, followed by what you need to say and end on a positive note. Example:
“I love you, but cannot accept that behaviour, you’re always so considerate usually, what’s up?” (Separate the child from the behaviour)
Talk to your child about your own experiences like when someone in school made you feel small and tell them how sad it made you.
“We treat others well in this family” (VALUES)
How to listen so kids will talk
Ensure your communication is real and authentic with your older child/teen: If communication is not good with your teenager; try speaking about how you feel:
“I want to understand things from your point of view and hear how you see things”.
Then you may begin to see that there is another point of view. It also helps see what was going on for your teen. Then your teen may be open to hearing what you have to say ; if they have felt heard and understood. Tell them how you see things and show respect for them rather than rush in /lay down the law. The outcome should be better and may open up communication more.
6 Stages Problem solving with your Child/Teen
- Listen/Check you have understood what they have said
- “I feel.. (Give your point of view)
- Gather ideas (what would give us both what we want)
- Help teen to choose (Is this fair to both of us)
- Agree on one idea
- Review – set a date to review if working