Parenting teenagers can be confusing and tough and often we can feel we are not good enough. They lose their temper; challenge us and treat us with disrespect. One thing I know for sure; with a different approach; you get a different result; and if what you are doing is not working; you may as well try something different!
1. Relationship, give them a conviction of being loved
All you really have is that they may want to please you, therefore invest in your relationship by making deposits, daily time to connect positively with them (8 minutes a day is all they need to feel loved). Difficult or bad behaviour comes from a teen who does not feel right.
2. Listen to your teenager
At my courses we do a non listening exercise and it is amazing the feedback we get afterward when we ask ‘how do you feel when you were not listened to?’ Unimportant, not valued, not ‘seen’ by your parent; so what can you do to show you are listening when a teen is upset?
Stop what you are doing, turn to your teen, give them ‘focused attention’; ‘I hear what you’re saying’…often is all they need!! Try it, it works.
3. Connect with your teenager
Take time to connect as ‘side on’ communication works best; therefore giving lifts is a way to ‘connect into’ your teen’s world, hear what is happening and show you care. Sibling rivalry and tantrums are reduced when you see each of your children ‘uniquely’.Make no mistake! SELF CARE is No1 in managing stress of parenting
We are often exhausted by the demands of the day; yet finding an extra half hour for EXERCISE can make the rest of the day less demanding. Take TIME OUT to manage the stress that is parenting teenagers today. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, eating/drinking responsibly, sees friends as they offer support and we know we are not alone!
5. RESPECT & BE KIND
For me, this is the most important. When I interact with myself respectfully and with kindness, my interaction with my teen reflects that. Therefore, if I am spoken to with disrespect; I reply ‘I do not respond when spoken to like that’ ‘When you calm down, I can talk to you’. Unconditional love is No 1 for conflict resolution; and when it’s present, I need no rules. I see person not behaviour; and when I don’t personalise behaviour, I don’t get enmeshed in that behaviour and say ‘I’ll deal with it later’ (Press PAUSE button).