Do you struggle with time, too many demands and too little time?
Working Parent and Work Life balance
Being a working parent can seem like you are on a treadmill that you cannot get off of. If there are too many demands on you, and no time for you it impacts on how you are. For me, the signs are I get cranky, irritable and impatient when I lose the balance between work and home life. What are the things you can do that make a difference, in staying on top of things, rather than things getting on top of you?
Can you identify with this?
- Not balanced Work/Home Life
- Partners/children getting ‘leftovers’
- Poor self-care (delays calling dentist/doctor)
- Poor Boundaries around himself/herself
- Always available
- Takes too much responsibility on
- Difficulty in saying No
- Always in ‘Doing’ mode, little ‘Being’ mode
- Fear of failure
- Having to prove self
- Addicted to work
- Filling a void
Maybe for you, Being Busy means ‘I am of worth’. What is driving you?
Are you likely to say something like: ‘I’m so busy; I haven’t time’? Time for what? Probably time for family, whether partner or children, maybe time for friends, but ultimately: Time for Self.
How does ‘never having time’ impact on self and others?
Take a moment to reflect the impact it has on loved ones; and the impact it has on you never having enough time. It is likely you are firing off in different directions, feeling tense and a little stressed much of the time. What is behind the statement: ”I’m so busy, I haven’t time”? What has happened for the person that they are always so pressurised?
Sense of Self
Having time for loved ones, arises from having time for self. Therefore, prescriptions do not work, if you are doing this, perhaps examine ‘How was it I am not valuing myself, by not valuing my time? How was it, I wasn’t looking after myself”? If you have no time for self, perhaps reflect for a moment, who else had ‘No time for you’? Often, it is a parent who was addicted to work, or sports or alcohol and the impact on the child is devastating. It directly impacts on their feelings of self-worth, and on how they value themselves.
Shift from not valuing to valuing your time by valuing self
A lack of deservedness and self-worth mean we don’t value our time; therefore the shift needed is to shift from not valuing to valuing your time
Have Boundaries around your Time – take care of your time
When we make the shift towards approving of ourselves, we no longer neglect ourselves by never saying No, or over caring for others in order to be validated externally. Therefore, self-approval and self-acceptance are the key to positive change. When we have a good sense of self, we automatically take care of our time, set healthy boundaries and balance caring for others with caring for self.
Women’s greatest challenge is asking and receiving help/saying No
Many women have a problem in asking for help and receiving support. As they improve how they relate to turn to themselves, they automatically accept help that is offered graciously, or accept the compliment offered, without needing to ‘Return to Sender’. Last week, I received an e mail from a lady who had heard me speak at a Stress talk in her company. What she took away was that it was ok to say No, and she did over a couple of days and was delighted to find that she was more’ in control of her work and of her personal life’.
Men’s greatest challenge?
Taking care and nurturing themselves
Awareness means I shift towards consciously valuing my time, therefore:
- Take time for self
- Set time to leave work by & focus to ensure it happens
- Leave work at work
- Clearer desk/office often means a clearer mind
- Set healthy boundaries round times you are not available
- Learn to say yes to the person, but No to the Task!
- Be a better delegator
- Control technology
- If you are a perfectionistic: Focus on effort, not your performance
80% of unfocused effort generates 20% of results; therefore remember that 80% of your results come from 20% of your effort. Optimise your efforts concentrating your time/energy on high pay off tasks.
Organises and execute round balanced priorities
The biggest mistakes we make are the following three:
- Inability to Prioritise what’s important to you
- Inability to Organise around these priorities
- A lack of Discipline
- A minute planning saves 10 minutes on execution
Essentially, many of us spend time on unimportant things so end up in Quadrant 1 fire fighting. Put the focus on important tasks whether they are Urgent or not, as if we procrastinate, they will be Urgent and Important. Spend as little time as possible on activities that may be Urgent but they are NOT IMPORTANT (Delegate or Dump them if at all possible)
Schedule your time around balanced priorities:
Take a moment and decide the different role you have:
Now identify the Goals you have for each role you have, goals are important as they are the destination and they offer the vision to work towards.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO REACH MY GOALS?
- INDIVIDUAL Book a Course
- Spouse Set a fortnightly DATE NIGHT
- Parent Schedule family activity for weekend, some 1: 1 time
- Manager Begin Budget on Monday, breaking into manageable chunks
Top Tips: The challenge is not to manage our time, but to manage ourselves
- To Do List
- Manage Distractions
- Take Breaks to recharge
- Do hardest task first
- Reward difficult tasks achieved
- Get longer lead time from clients
- Chunking: Break task into manageable chunks
- Ensure your expectations are realistic
“I may not be able to complete this project on time along with all the other work I have to do. However, I can get clear priorities from my boss, and then manage the time I spend on each project. It may be that the quality of each deliverable is not what I’d like it to be, but I have to be realistic about what is achievable here’
Benefits to better Personal Time Management
- More in control at work/home
- Feel better, less tense/anxious
- Balanced work/home life
- Work not impacting negatively on spouse/children
- Stronger Boundaries mean you are more respected as you respect self more
- De clutter – More organised/efficient & a nicer environment to work in