Tell your children/partner what they have done that’s right and they will do more of it
Say something positive, say what you need from that person, & end on a positive note.
For example: ‘You’re always so responsible round the kitchen, I just need you to X, when you finish what you are doing, I really appreciate the hand, thank you, it really helps me’.
Were you left the clean up tonight after dinner like me?
There was no fight; I just said ‘I don’t think its fair; if you choose not to help; you choose no tv, you decide. I was doing the clean up and after a few minutes, my daughter came in and said “I’ve decided to help, so I can watch tv with you after”
But what if she did not come back and help?
Choice & Consequence
She was offered a choice and made her choice, and had to live with the consequences of her choice. The beauty of this method is that their is no fight, I was reasonable and she knew that. Sometimes, the child has to live with the consequences of their choices a couple times before they choose to make another choice. What I believe it teaches them however, is to be responsible and to live with the consequences of their choice.
Anyway it beats “You never do anything to help and I’m sick of it!!!”
Try it and let me know.. Sheila