Positive Discipline: Top Tips
The secret is if you are interacting well the majority of the time, conflict is something you get over easily, as the relationship is better and you ‘get back on track’ quicker. There is no one answer – but the tips listed below will work if you stay calm, r
Tips for Conflict Resolution
Hit the PAUSE button – do not deal with it if about to ‘lose it’
1.Take a deep breath and say ‘I’ll deal with it later’
2. Move away – even to other side of room breathing deeply allows you get in control of your response
3. Humour – sometimes can diffuse
4. Be Kind, firm and consistent without breaking relationship
5. Try to understand what is going on for your child; acknowledge how they feel
When children fight-do not jump in-it does not WORK!
PAUSE..Listen..Help them to sort out relationship
- Calm voice – calms the situation
- How can you sort it out so you are both happy?
- Encourage them to work as a team helps sibling rivalry
Calmer Parent means a calmer Child
Stay calm as your behaviour gets repeated by your children-model the behaviour you wish to see from them. Reduce sibling rivalry by ‘connecting in’ with each child. You can never treat them equally; but you can treat them uniquely and the more attention you give; the less rivalry there will be.
Eight minutes a day of 1:1 is all a child needs to feel loved, valued and secure.
Consequences work the first time, however an over reliance on consequences do not work. Consequences every time become punitive and punishing and the child literally develops a sense of ‘I am bad, bad, bad. Now let me show you throught my behaviour just haow bad I can be’
Only use consequences you are in control of; Tv,pocket money, or you get a standoff; ‘unless you apologise, I wont drive you to school’ thats a threat, not a consequence. Try instead “Hold on a minute; you’re not to speak to me like that; I respect you and I expect the same”
Catch them being good
Notice instead what they have done, or any slight improvement they have made and you will find that the more you do this, the more the child will blossom and do more. This is because all behaviour reinforces. Children need to feel loved for themselves, so often they feel loved when they get it right and that love is withdrawn when they show poor behaviour. We need to see poor behaviour as a child crying for help and therefore, why would we punish? We would respond with compassion and kindness and care and improve how the child feels and poor behaviour comes from a child feeling poorly.
Discipline – using Choices
“If you choose to fight in the car; you’re choosing to miss TV at Home, if you choose not to fight; you’re choosing to have TV at home; you decide”. Allowing your child to experience the consequences of their actions is important. However; do not overuse; use for one issue you are working on only.