Positive Discipline

Be Kind whenever possible, it is always possible

You cannot change the child; however you can change how you respond to the child. Every day, I meet parents struggling with managing difficult behaviour. Usually they have got into a negative cycle with a particular child and the relationship is suffering.

When we understand the feelings that are under the behaviour, we can respond to feeling, rather than react to behaviour. Initially, we may feel we have not the time to ‘take time for feelings’; yet when we do; respond empathically to our troubled child; the situation gets resolved easily and relationships do not suffer.

Connect before you React

Here is what many parents have told me really works: “I come down to their eye level, get their attention by using their name, I make a request rather than a demand. If I meet resistance, I try Name their Feeling ‘Sounds like you don’t want to go to Lidl, yes, it’s hard having to go somewhere when you don’t want to, I hear that. How can we make it a bit of fun for both of us?’ When I give them a sense of feeling heard and understood, it takes the ‘Heat’ out of their feelings and I engage their cooperation!

If what you are doing is not working; Choose Love

You may say ‘I don’t have time!’ yet when we foster connection with a child who is behaving poorly, when we meet their resistance with a bit or warmth and understanding, their resistance melts! This is preferable to a power struggle, where both adult and child literally ‘dig’ the heels in and not only does it take longer, everyone feels upset after.

A child is never trying to be difficult, however they are communicating an unmet need for positive attention from the parent, for time, not to be compared to a sibling which leaves them feelings less loved or ‘not good enough’.

When you act different, they will respond differently.

Catch them being good for every little thing and see them blossom as all children love to be praised, so notice even a slight improvement or tell them what they have done right.