Some tips from parents of what has worked for them in creating calmer homes:
Parents Say:When I control myself & my mood; I can control the mood at home, theres a direct link between how I am and how everyone else is. Today, watch how you interact & tune into how you feel & say it to them in a real way i.e. ” Listen, I ‘m feeling tired and don’t want us to fight ‘cus I love you, I just need a minute to calm down.” Take time to breathe & take care of you; so you can take care of them.
Does your child think you don’t love them?
Parents often tell me that when they really listen they are surprised what their children say. “You don’t love me when you are angry” is something a child feels. Therefore, correct behaviour without getting cross with the child as withdrawal of love is frightening for the child.
“Nobody shouts/hits/fights in this house”
As parents of younger children; have some important house rules like these. Parents said they were surprised that it was the children who were the ones to remind the parents “Mum; the rules are: No Shouting”!! It’s hard being a parent; but we cannot forget we are role models for them and role modelling that I am a parent in charge of my behaviour is essential.
Do you have a child who gets ‘worked up’ easily?
Parents frequently tell me that when they Acknowledge the Feeling it reduces the incidence of that. This means your response is one of kindness and empathy “Sounds like you had a lousy day..?””You must be devastated..” “I’m guessing you’re feeling a bit fed up?” This allows the child to say more about how they feel, and when we express how we feel, feelings don’t get stuck and reappear as outbursts. Distraction also work very well with younger children; if used early enough!