Parenting is challenging at Exam Time!
Stress and Exam Time
In the lead up to exams the stress levels can increase in the home. However, there are things you can do to reduce stress at this time. The calmer the parent, the calmer the student, so it is important to be in a ‘good place’ to offer them the support they need. Your calmness will have a very positive effect on the atmosphere at home so take care of yourself, so you can take care of them as a Happy Parent = a Happy Child!
What do they need before the exams?
- Belief: ‘ You can do it’
- To have their effort acknowledged
- Encouragement and support
- That you see their potential
- They need to feel understood and listened to
See the effort & learning will continue
Whatever you put out; comes back to you (Positive or Negative) & the more you put out, the more you get back
Tips for Parent
- Take care of you, so you can take better care of them
- Be relaxed and positive and notice what they have done, not the other way round
- Allow adequate time if bringing them into exams to reduce stress – get up earlier!
- Ask what you can do for them to help/support them
- Rushing and racing results in feeling stressed; and you are not in a good place to parent
Tips for parenting the exam student
- Have the food they like so you ensure they eat
- Ensure they get adequate sleep
- Encourage exercise to help relax
- They are under pressure, so don’t add to it
- Believe in their intelligence & capability
- See their effort & believe in their capacity
- Encourage & praise
- Negotiate where there are difference between you, if you force a person they will resist you
- You can’t do the work for them, and this exam is their responsibility
- Do not personalise what they say or their behaviour, it’s 100% about them, how they are feeling and what they are going through
- When your child deserves your love the least, they need it the most
- The most important ‘A’ is an ‘A’ in Emotional Health
- You cannot attend at a ‘head’ level if things are not right at a ‘heart’ level
- Intelligence & Knowledge are not the same
- Failure sets the next challenge
Fear of Failure
When learning is threatening, a child goes into Avoidance, Sickness, Perfectionism and has a Fear of Failure. Reassure them ‘You are not an Exam result’, this exam is not a prophesy of your future lives. They may not want to let you down, so important to be unconditional, ‘I love you for yourself’ may take the pressure off and reduce their fears and allow them to simply do their best.
The child is always more important than the result – Love them for themselves, not for what they produce in results.Unconditional love is their deepest longing, to be loved not for what they do, but who they are. Their intelligence is only one way in which they express their individuality
Take focus off behaviour & focus on a good relationship
Take your focus off their behaviours and instead put your focus on building a really good relationship with you, where they can come to you with their fears, anxietys and concerns.