Do you want 4 tips for Parenting more Positively?
From dawn to dusk, it seems a negative spiral of shouting, drama, where you get no listening or no operation? Yet, the crèche or school tell you this child is a ‘model child’ and this is confirmed on play dates? If you want 4 tips for parenting positively; read on!
Parenting Positively -Tip 1: Catch the child being good!
Perhaps there is something happening at school that needs to happen more at home!
Maybe, in school they ‘Catch him being good’ and their interaction is positive and the child mirrors back cooperation and respect. The greatest mistake parents make is:
Tip 2: Do not give the wrong kind of attention – why?
All behaviour reinforces – so whatever behaviour you notice – you get more of!
Maybe, at home instead of a list of:
‘Why can’t you be like your brother? You are always at him! Why do I have to ask you ten times to come to dinner, to get up, to put your shoes on or get in the car?’
Tip 3: Change the feeling & they will change their behaviour!
Perhaps, with this kind of interaction, the child internalises:
‘I feel I am the worst girl in the world; you prefer my brother to me; you don’t love me because you are always giving out to me’.
How does that child feel?
Awful, unloved, Rejected, Slighted, resentful towards the sibling.
Tip 4: Be Calm, take time to Connect, Be Patient and Be Present
- Notice what they have done ‘I see you have had breakfast; well done hon!’
- See the effort or improvement ‘I see a lot of effort in this homework’
- Instead of telling them what to do; prompt them ‘What do you need to do next hon?’
- Notice when they are playing with a sibling & reward by sitting for a moment or two’ I love to see you both playing happily together’
- Spend time connecting with the child, and be aware of being fully present – not looking at a phone or tv – simply putting your arm round them and choosing to spend time with them; especially after you arrive in.
- Listen to them & they will listen to you – children tend not to listen; when they have no sense of feeling heard in the home.
- Empathise with them when they are struggling ‘I hear you are enjoying playing; you have had such fun! I can give you one more go on the slide; but then we need to leave; okay? Pinkie promise; come on now!’
- Respect – demonstrate your respect in the way you speak to them, calmly and kindly, by making a request ‘I need you to come to dinner Anne; I have made something special’ (This works really well, when you go to them, come down to their eye level, get their attention and then make your request.
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