Are you struggling with your child’s behaviors?

Parenting is tough

Do not worry, you are not alone. Parenting is the toughest job you will every do, so stop, take a few deep breaths to self calm and remind yourself that you have always done your best. Here are a few tips that may make a difference, however we need see challenging behaviour differently if we want it to improve.

All behavior has a reason

When a child is challenging, we think they are trying to make our lives difficult – rather – they are trying to show us in their behaviour that life is difficult for them. If what you are doing is not working – try something different. Stop the Naughty Step, or the non stop Consequences or the harsh and rigid parenting and Ease up on yourself and the child straight away.

Take the focus off the behavior – and put the focus on enjoying a good and positive relationship

Now that will engage her/his co operation immediately! 

  •  Never break relationship, because of poor behaviour, see it as a cry for help
  • Instead of Time out, give a little Time In to the child’s feeling
  • Stay calm, and leave the room if you are going to ‘lose it.
  • Be real and authentic with your child “Ann, I do not want to get angry with you as I love you; I need you to xx and I will not ask again”
  • The more I work on having a positive/loving relationship with my child; the less of a need for discipline there is
  • The more I take care of myself and stay in touch with how I feel, the calmer and more in charge of my behaviour I am; and the realisation is that my child’s behaviour is usually a reflection (positive or negative) of how I am behaving – OUCH!
  • Separate the child from their behaviour; ’I love you, but can’t accept this behaviour
  • Use ‘As soon as’ often: ‘As soon as homework’s done, you can go out & play. Better than ‘No! You can’t play; your homework’s not done!’ Be respectful
  • Apply reasonable Consequences (deprive a privilege) in advance, offer a Choice, then say ‘You decide’. The child has a choice, if they choose not to respect my right; they know they invite the consequence of that behaviour.

Example ‘Finish your Homework now, and you can look forward to TV later, or If you choose not to do homework now, you choose to miss your TV later, you decide’ (respectful and teaches them responsibility)

  • Consequence needs be logical , therefore:
  • If they leave a mess, they need tidy up
  • If they break a window they need pay towards it
  • Be KIND but Firm (never Cross) with the child when disciplining
  • Look at why the child is difficult, a feeling of not being loved enough or low self esteem is usual.

When a child deserves your love the least, they need it the most.Therefore Compassion is the No 1 response to a childs challenging behaviour

I find there is less of a need to discipline when I take time to love unconditionally, spend un distracted time, and see all that my child does on a daily basis- focus on what they do right, rather on what they don’t. Love heals.