There are so many situations where we can end up in conflict with our children on a daily basis. What else could we do that may help the situation. If what you are doing is not working, you may need to do something different
How to manage conflict with your children
Be the change you want to see; so if you want a calmer home, how calm are you? Work on staying calm by counting to ten, leaving the room, using deep abdominal breathing to self- calm and taking care of yourself, so then you can take care of everything and everyone else. I have learnt from my mistakes and find some of the following can really make a difference in enjoying a calmer home and happier children.
Tell them how their behaviour has impacted on you
‘I feel sad when anger takes over; and I need you to use your words instead of actions’. What could you have said when you were angry with your baby brother; instead of pushing him?
Acknowledge your child’s feeling:
‘I know you are cross with your brother and that he annoys you sometimes and that is not easy’
Tell him the behaviour that you want to see & communicate your values:
‘We treat each other nicely in this family, therefore pushing is not okay, and if you are mad with him, you need to come to me and tell me’
State your expectations:
‘I expect when something happens that makes you cross, that you step back instead of stepping into a fight; to take a minute to calm down and use your breathing to get in charge of your behaviour; before your behaviour takes charge of you’
‘What could you do to make it better? An apology or make a little card to say you are sorry?’
Choices & consequences:
‘If you choose to push again; you are choosing to have your toy put away, you decide’
Resolve through relationship:
For me this is probably the most powerful way to resolve most issues, that I meet my child’s behaviour with a little kindness and compassion, and try to help them with their feelings as if they feel right, their behaviour will reflect that. Therefore I separate child from behaviour: ‘I love you, but this behaviour is not ok, we need to talk about this when we both calm down, and see what led to that outburst?’