Think about a time your child is blossoming – what’s happening?
One to One Time
One on One time with a child is usually what parents say to me. When I have him all to myself, he is a pleasure, so easy, no difficult behaviour. So build a little of this into every day, will magically reduce childrens challenging behaviours, reduce sibling rivalry and generally make things easier in the home.
8 minutes a day make a child feel loved, valued and secure
It’s a particular kind of time however, one on one time. Undiluted, undistracted, phone off the hook time. Hundreds of parents have told me how this one tip has changed their child’s behaviour, the child has blossomed. ‘We notice a huge difference when we give the 1:1 time of eight minutes a day. Bedtime is easier as a result; he is trying hard at school as well. We are focusing on the positives as you advised and the star chart has definitely made a difference!
Easier Evenings for working parents!
I work in Companies giving parenting courses and so many parents have told me that when they arrive home in the evening, giving the eight minutes as soon as they arrive make the rest of the evening and bedtime much easier. It is important to understand why. The child or teen has missed you all day; it is like a phone battery that is almost flat. Then we arrive and immediately we tell them that other things are more important, and list all the things we need to do. The child needs only two messages:
Love bomb them & enjoy an easier child
‘I missed you today’ ‘I love coming home to see you’ in other words that their absence matters and their presence makes a difference. How to communicate that? Stop. Look. Greet them, cuddle, make eye contact and really listen for this 1:1 time. Try remembering to tell them what you love about them – rather than perhaps as we do – what they have not done. Like a sandwich, we may need to say ‘I ned you to feed the cat’ but it’s the ham in the sandwich, first say something positive ‘I was thinking about you today’ spend some time, then it is ok to say ‘I need you to remember to feed the cat’ and end positively ‘I’ve seen how responsible you’ve become lately, and I noticed all the effort you are making with xxx.’
What happens when you give a child time?
They walk off and leave you there! Their battery is fully charged and they have had their needs met. Now they are in a place to meet your needs. They may help at setting the table if met with encouragement – ‘thank you for putting your cup in the dishwasher that really helps me’ as when we see their effort – they make more effort.
Better Bedtimes – Kind, Firm but never cross
Time and time again, parents say how the child settled at bedtime better. Why? if they are coming down the stairs at night time, it is usually for what they needed and did not get during the day. Always respond kindly to a child when they do this, as if they were speaking from their heart, they may say ‘I cannot go to sleep, if Mum is cross with me’. A gentle hug and little interaction and bring the child back upstairs. However, giving the 1:1 interaction earlier in the day should ensure that the child settles easier and is more manageable.