Could you use a little parenting support?
Parenting is tough and if you are operating from ‘an empty cup’ you have nothing to give. Keeping your cup full can transform your parenting.
1. The importance of self care
“It’s like in an aircraft,” Shiela explains. “You put your own mask on first.” It stands to reason if you’re not looking after yourself ; you can’t look after others. Incorporate this into your daily routine. “Go for a walk by yourself or with a friend to de stress. This way you get exercise, time to chat and time to think,” she advises.
“Eat well, seek support from friends and family if you need it. Rest when you get the chance, rather than doing too much, operating from tiredness and neglect. Learn to say No, rather than doing too much and taking it out on your children. Remember, mornings begin the night before. Use a starchart and encourage your child to help out with a pre prepared lunch, setting out uniform the night before. Get up half an hour earlier and reduce stress for all.
2. Give Time: 8 Minutes a Day so your child feel loved
Studies have shown just 8 minutes a day ‘one on one’ undistracted play with your child can significantly increase their self-esteem and confidence levels. “In the morning take time for a cuddle and chat with them. Your child will feel loved and secure and special. For fathers, Sheila suggests “When you come home in the evening, spend time playing with your child before you do anything else.” She adds, “The more attention you give – the less they demand it and challenging behaviours should reduce”.
3. Blame the Behaviour-Not the Child “That was a naughty thing to do”
Blaming the child lowers self esteem (‘ How could you be so stupid’)
A child can change how they behave; but not what a parent says they are; therefore if they get a negative message from you; they may take on the label ‘I’m stupid’
“When your child deserves your love the least, they need it the most,” says Shiela.
“Behaviour is usually about how the child feels. If they are behaving badly it’s often attention seeking or frustration due to limited language skills. Try understand how your child is feeling, if a child feels understood and loved, they have no need to act out. “An older child with a new baby in the house may not know how to express feeling less loved.”