What causes Stress?
Awareness is key to change as when you rebuild your boundary, you feel empowered and good about yourself
We need boundaries to ensure we keep healthy and functioning whether at work or at home. Stress symptoms arise to alert us to the imbalance in our lives and needs responding to. If we choose not to respond, the stress symptoms escalate. Therefore, we need to view the stress symptom as our friend not the enemy as it is there to protect and alert us.
Do you need to rebuild your boundaries?
Healthy Boundaries reduce Stress
Be Proactive, not Reactive
Consider that a boundary is like a fence around your home to protect your and your family from outside interference. If we need boundaries round our time, our energy and out relationships, how strong (or weak) are your boundaries?
Weak boundaries can be due to a lack of self-esteem and self-value. A person with a stronger sense of self will automatically take care of themselves, and not permit others to treat them otherwise whether at work or at home.
Having strong personal boundaries means you generally treat yourself well. Examples of physical self-care can be a good diet or taking exercise. Self-care can be by ensuring time out with supportive friends or family or simply by allowing adequate time to do things, or to get to where you need to go. This person takes responsibility for their own needs and finds a way to meet them and has no difficulty in taking time and space for self.
Strong boundaries are vital in maintaining healthy relationships as we need time for family/friends. Having a boundary around your home life ensures your time and energy are available to your partner and children or family. The closest people in your life require the most attention, so we need to examine how we spend our time and if it is fairly distributed? Many people say their favourite activities are:
Listening to Music
Playing with children
Attending a sporting event
Socialising/Party/Reception so build into your week, what You enjoy
Managing Stress for parents
- After work, family need time and attention (phones off 6-9pm?)
- Take time out to meet your own needs so you can meet others needs
- Time out for supportive networks to share a worry or enjoy a laugh
- Connectedness & Engagement make us happy
- Remember the 4D’s: I cannot DO everything; I may need DELEGATE, DELAY, and DUMP!
- Creating boundaries at work may mean you get to leave work at work both physically and mentally.
- Prioritise tasks so you can schedule to leave work on time generally
- Take Breaks & Lunch to recharge (walk in the fresh air, meet a friend, exercise)
- Learn how to say no nicely
- Clear job description
- Too broad job description – need more specifics
- Speak up
- Know your limits
- Assert yourself if your boundary is crossed
Professional Boundaries at Work
Boundaries around Technology
The technology’s’ available; so why aren’t you?
- Manage it or it manages you
- All technology has an OFF button
- Communicate your technology boundaries
- Choose real people over online people
- Being available 24/7 makes you a prime candidate for stres
Effects of Stress
When you lose your boundary, you end up in conflict. Only one person needs to change to effect change between two people. The change is to operate from boundary as otherwise we become defensive and conflict will escalate. Taking responsibility for self is crucial: ‘I’d like some quiet time for myself and I’d like not to be disturbed’. This is an Action for yourself as otherwise you will Take an Action against another.
Coping with Stress:
- Can I take some Time out for myself?
- Can I say yes to what is good for me?
- Can I say No to what is not right for me?
- Can I communicate clearly and directly?
- Can I speak up when my boundary is crossed?
- Can I stand up for another person when it’s necessary?
Click here for Sheila’s tips on stress management for parents