Many parents have difficulty in dealing with behaviour that challenges them; so I invite you to deal with it differently this week.
Ironically,compassion is the No 1 response to difficult behaviour, when they deserve your love the least, they need it the most.Whether it is tantrums, aggression, uncooperative behaviour; see that the child is trying to tell you how difficult life is for him. What lies hidden needs to be revealed; after all; all behaviour makes sense.
You’ll be surprised to find that when you are different, the child is different .
What you put out; you get back, the more you love & approve your child, the less difficult behaviour you will encounter. Responding to the difficult behaviour
- Separate the child from the behaviour; “ I love you but cannot accept that behaviour”
- Don’t use You messages “You are so bold”
- Instead use “I” messages “I feel upset when.”
- Take action for self (get out of the room if you are going to ‘lose it’)
- Stay calm, stay separate from the behaviour – do not personalise it
- Do not get into conflict or break relationship with the child
Why the bad behaviour?
- A feeling of not being loved enough
- Low Self Esteem
Ask the ‘W’ Questions
- What is going on for my child?
- Why is this behaviour happening?
- Who is it happening with?
- Where is it happening (Home/ School)
- When is it happening?
Look at your self
- Make a note every night of how you interacted with the child that day y
- Note three positive things about the child each day
- Did you affirm this child and treat them with respect?
- Did you unconditionally love him, not for what he does, but who he is?
- A behaviour that is noticed increases “I noticed an improvement in..”
- A behaviour that is ignored (bad behaviour) – Decreases
- Catch the child – being Good.
- Make a respectful request; not an order “Bed now!”
- Settle for less than perfection